From Medical Gaslighting to Finally Being Heard
- 2 days ago
- 9 min read
How self-advocacy and the support of a health coach helped me uncover what years of medical care had missed
For years, I knew something was wrong with my body. I experienced relentless nausea, dizziness, shaking, heart palpitations, breathlessness, muscle aches, headaches, extreme fatigue, unexplained weight loss, and the overwhelming feeling that my body was no longer functioning the way it should. I went from doctor to doctor searching for answers. I underwent bloodwork, scans, procedures, and specialist appointments. I was diagnosed with multiple conditions, prescribed medications, and even had my gallbladder removed, which was an irreversible decision I still regret. Yet I continued to feel sick.
When my doctors could not find an explanation, the conversation began to change. Instead of continuing to investigate my physical symptoms, one physician suggested that I had anxiety and offered me antidepressants. I knew stress had affected my health. I had experienced tremendous loss and emotional strain during that period of my life. But I also knew stress did not explain everything happening inside my body. I did not feel heard. I felt dismissed.
When “It’s Probably Anxiety” Becomes Medical Gaslighting
Medical gaslighting happens when a person’s symptoms are dismissed, minimized, or attributed to psychological causes without an adequate investigation. It can leave you questioning your own judgment and wondering whether what you are experiencing is really “all in your head.” That is exactly what happened to me.
To be clear, anxiety can cause very real physical symptoms, and mental health deserves appropriate care. But anxiety should not automatically become the explanation simply because an immediate physical cause has not been found. Being told that nothing is wrong does not mean nothing is wrong. Sometimes it means the answer has not been found yet.
After spending thousands of dollars and undergoing test after test, I reached a point where I knew I had to become a stronger advocate for myself. I began researching my symptoms, asking different questions, changing my diet, and looking beyond the healthcare providers I had already seen. That decision changed the direction of my life.
The Health Coach Who Finally Believed Me
Out of desperation, I hired a health coach. What stood out immediately was not a diagnosis or a complicated treatment plan. It was the simple fact that he listened to me. I finally had someone in my corner.
He did not dismiss my symptoms, or immediately blame anxiety. He believed that what I was experiencing was real and helped me organize the pieces of my health history so I could pursue a broader evaluation. Working alongside his wife, who is a chiropractor, he encouraged additional testing and helped me take a closer look at my nutrition, lifestyle, medications, symptoms, and overall health history.
That process revealed several imbalances, including a significant magnesium deficiency, as well as low potassium and zinc levels. My magnesium status had never been meaningfully considered during the many years I had experienced heart palpitations and other symptoms.
It was a magnesium RBC blood test that finally identified my magnesium deficiency. Unlike a standard serum magnesium test, which measures the magnesium circulating in the liquid portion of the blood, an RBC magnesium test measures the magnesium contained within red blood cells. Because magnesium is primarily found inside cells and bones rather than circulating in the bloodstream, this test provided a different look at my magnesium status.
Magnesium testing is still more nuanced than relying on any single result. Although RBC magnesium measures magnesium within red blood cells, it does not necessarily represent the amount stored in every tissue throughout the body. The National Institutes of Health explains that a comprehensive evaluation may require laboratory testing together with a person’s symptoms, health history, medications, diet, and risk factors.
In my case, however, magnesium had not even been part of the conversation. It had never been meaningfully considered during the many years I had been under the care of two different cardiologists, and had experienced heart palpitations and other symptoms. After years of symptoms, medications, procedures, and appointments, it was the RBC magnesium test that finally revealed the deficiency that had been overlooked.
After my results were reviewed and I began following a personalized plan with appropriate professional guidance, I started noticing meaningful improvements. Within weeks, I felt my body beginning to change. Over the following months, I regained my energy, my nausea improved, and the frightening symptoms that had controlled my life began to subside. The best thing I could have ever done was hire a health coach.
With medical oversight, I was eventually able to wean off and discontinue medications I had taken for years. I learned that the palpitations I had experienced, and had been treating with a beta blocker for approximately 17 years, were connected to a magnesium deficiency rather than the heart condition I was led to believe I had. I cannot help but wonder how different those years might have been if someone had looked more closely, asked more questions, and considered my nutritional status sooner.
Perimenopause and Menopause Are Still Too Often Dismissed
My experience happened before I became a Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, but it shaped the way I now support women, especially women over 40 navigating perimenopause and menopause.
Perimenopause and Menopause are areas in which women frequently report feeling unheard and often times gaslit by their medical providers.
Symptoms of peri-menopause/menopause may include hot flashes and irregular periods, but they can also involve sleep disruption, fatigue, brain fog, mood changes, joint discomfort, heart palpitations, body-composition changes, headaches, anxiety, and changes in sexual or urinary health. These symptoms can overlap with thyroid conditions, nutritional deficiencies, sleep disorders, medication effects, cardiovascular concerns, mental health conditions, and other medical issues. That is why symptoms should not automatically be blamed on perimenopause or menopause, and/or dismissed as stress, without a thoughtful evaluation.
Research supports the concerns many women have expressed. In one study of people who sought care for bothersome perimenopausal symptoms, negative experiences included feeling invalidated, encountering barriers to treatment, and not feeling helped. Another study examining menopause education among medical residents and found that only 6.8% felt adequately prepared to manage women experiencing menopause. This statistic is very concerning.
This does not mean that all doctors are dismissive or poorly trained. Many compassionate, highly knowledgeable providers deliver excellent menopause care.
It does mean that significant gaps remain and women may need to advocate for themselves to receive the individualized care they deserve. You should never be expected to simply suffer through this stage of life.
How to Advocate for Yourself at Medical Appointments
Self-advocacy does not mean walking into an appointment and demanding a particular diagnosis or test. It means arriving prepared, participating in decisions, asking thoughtful questions, and continuing to seek appropriate care when your concerns have not been addressed. It is important to know that your patient autonomy should always be respected. Patient autonomy is the right of individuals to make informed decisions about their healthcare based on their personal values, preferences, and needs.
Here are several ways to become a stronger advocate for your health:
1. Track your symptoms
Write down what you are experiencing, when it began, how often it happens, and how it affects your daily life. Look for patterns involving your menstrual cycle, sleep, food, exercise, stress, medications, or supplements.
Specific information is often more useful than saying, “I just don’t feel right.”
2. Bring a concise health timeline
Include major illnesses, surgeries, diagnoses, medication changes, menstrual changes, stressful life events, and when your current symptoms began. This can help a provider see connections that may be difficult to identify during a short appointment.
3. Prepare your most important questions
You might ask:
What conditions could cause these symptoms?
What has already been ruled out, and how?
Could my medications or supplements be contributing?
Are nutritional deficiencies, thyroid concerns, anemia, blood-sugar changes, or other conditions worth considering?
Could perimenopause or menopause be playing a role?
What are my treatment options, including hormonal, nonhormonal, and lifestyle approaches?
At what point should I see a specialist?
If you do not recommend a test or referral, can you explain why?
4. Ask for explanations in plain language
You have the right to understand your diagnosis, test results, treatment options, potential side effects, and alternatives. If something is unclear, ask the provider to explain it differently.
5. Request copies of your records
Keep copies of laboratory results, imaging reports, medication lists, and visit summaries. Having your own records can help you notice changes over time and make consultations with other providers more productive.
6. Seek a second opinion when needed
A second opinion is not disrespectful. It is an appropriate step when symptoms continue, a proposed treatment is invasive, or you do not feel your concerns have been fully addressed.
If you are considering surgery or another irreversible procedure, asking another qualified provider to review your case can be especially valuable.
7. Look for a menopause-informed practitioner
If your provider does not feel comfortable managing perimenopause or menopause, ask for a referral to someone with additional training in this area.
8. Bring support
If you feel overwhelmed, bring a trusted person who can take notes, help you remember questions, and provide emotional support.
9. Trust yourself enough to keep asking
You know what is normal for your body. Your intuition is not a diagnosis, but it is valuable information. If something feels wrong, you deserve a thoughtful response, not condescension or dismissal.
Where a Board-Certified Health Coach Can Help
A Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach does not replace a physician, diagnose medical conditions, order treatment, or prescribe medications.
A coach complements medical care by giving you something the traditional healthcare system often struggles to provide: time, ongoing support, preparation, and accountability.
As a Board-Certified Health Coach, I can help you:
Organize your symptoms, concerns, and health history before an appointment.
Develop questions to discuss with your licensed healthcare provider.
Understand and follow through on your provider’s recommendations.
Identify realistic lifestyle changes involving nutrition, movement, sleep, and stress.
Set goals that reflect your needs, preferences, and values.
Break an overwhelming health plan into manageable action steps.
Track patterns and progress between medical visits.
Build confidence in communicating with your healthcare team.
Find credible educational resources.
Stay accountable as you create sustainable habits.
As a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coaches I am trained in evidence-based, client-centered coaching and behavior change. I do not tell clients what diagnosis they have or instruct them to stop medication. Instead, I help clients use their strengths, insight, and resources to make informed decisions and take meaningful action.
Sometimes the most powerful thing a coach provides is a place where you can tell your entire story, and know someone is truly listening.
You Deserve to Be Heard
My health crisis changed the course of my life. Hiring a health coach helped me regain my health, but it also inspired me to become a coach myself. I wanted other people, especially women who had been dismissed, discouraged, or left without answers, to have the support I once desperately needed.
Today, as a Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, I help women over 40 navigate menopause, improve their health habits, build strength, lose fat, and age with greater confidence. I also help them become active participants in their healthcare rather than feeling powerless within it.
Health coaching is not a substitute for medical care. It can, however, help bridge the gap between medical appointments and everyday life. It can help you prepare, ask better questions, follow through, and advocate for the care you deserve. If you have been told that everything looks “normal” but you still do not feel like yourself, please do not give up.
Keep asking questions and keep documenting what you are experiencing. Seek another opinion when necessary. Find qualified professionals who listen to you and are willing to work collaboratively.
Most importantly, remember this:
You are not difficult for asking questions.
You are not overreacting because you want answers.
You are not imagining symptoms simply because their cause has not yet been identified.
Your body is worthy of attention.
Your concerns are worthy of investigation.
Your voice deserves to be heard.
If you are ready to feel more confident navigating your health and menopause journey, I invite you to schedule a Free Health Jumpstart Call with me. Together, we can discuss what you are experiencing, where you feel stuck, and how personalized health coaching may support your next steps.
If you are interested in learning more about staying healthy during menopause, you can sign up for my newsletter. This is where you will find tips for managing menopause, freebies, announcement of events and programs, as well as just knowing you are not alone. I see you and I am here to help.
This article describes my personal experience and is intended for educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat any condition. Do not begin supplements or discontinue medications without consulting an appropriately licensed healthcare professional.
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